


Saihara Gets a Part-Time Job

by WritertotheMaximum



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-24 04:36:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9702254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritertotheMaximum/pseuds/WritertotheMaximum
Summary: Saihara is a busy college student and needs a job. He finds said job working at an adult store.Catelogues the clients he meets.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I saw this flurry of posts on r/Retail and this idea suddenly struck me. This is very loosely based on them, but I’d still like to give them thanks. If anyone has a link to them, I’ll put it here so you can read them.

He had absolutely no idea how he got here.  
Well, that was partially incorrect. He had an idea, but just an idea.

He was studying in college and a poor college student needs some cash. He looked across the whole city and found nothing. So, in frustration, he decided to unwind somehow. He stumbled upon this shop. Horribly nervous, he went in, unsure of what to expect.  
“Help wanted?”  
“You want a job?” a girl behind the counter asked, not even peering up from her magazine. She flipped a page. She had long, blond hair, as well as very…accentuated…features.  
He tilted his head away, covering his embarrassment with his hat.  
“If you have any.”  
“Of course we some, fuckface,” she snapped.  
“Well if you’re going to be so rude—”  
She broke into tears. “Wait! No! I’m so lonely! Please!”  
After some coaxing, he somehow signed up for this new job. A quick interview with the manager happened shortly afterwards and he had said job.

He was just a clerk.  
Selling stuff.  
At a retail store.  
Nothing out of the ordinary there.

Okay, it was a Sex Shop.

No hiding it now.

That was how he became, in essence, Saihara Shuuichi, Seller of Porn.


	2. Akamatsu Kaede

His first day was relatively uneventful, but still terrifying. He sighed in relief, not meeting anyone he knew. There were about only three customers per day, at maximum.  _ I guess people are less horny than I thought. _

Then he met the customers.

And he quickly revised that thought.

 

Most of the customers don’t really say anything, just a small “Thank you” or something like that. The first one he actually came in real contact to was a blonde girl with some music clef in her hair.

So clef-girl walked around for a while, looking at a bunch of of videos. She seemed dissatisfied, so Saihara wandered over to her to see if she needed any help. She immediately glared at him and bolted in his direction.

Saihara said with a smile, “Do you need any help?”   
“Ah! Yes! Do you have anything with a really good soundtrack?”

“...Soundtrack?”   
“Yeah. All of these suck. How do you expect me to get off when there’s this cheesy trying-to-be-jazz music playing in the background? Have you ever even heard a Mahler symphony? Those things are just…” She gave a shiver, then kept rambling about something intangible.

“Um...Well...I’m sure we can find something to your tastes. There’s a viewing room in the back if you want to test them out.”

Her eyes lit up. “Really? Thanks a lot!”

Eventually, after a couple hours, she found one she liked and she seemed a lot more pleasant. She scratched her head.

“Sorry. I’m a concert pianist, so I get pretty intense when talking about music. It’s really my entire life.”

“In all aspects,” Saihara added, handing her a bag with her product in it.

They talked a bit more and Saihara decided that she was a good person, although a bit odd in some ways. Saihara first thought that these people weird perverts, but now he’s come to realize that we’re all just human.

 

Well, he first thought that, anyways.


	3. Ouma Kokichi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made bullet points for what each character would do and Ouma's first one was -Is a dick.

Saihara was sitting at his usual post, reading a mystery novel when the doors were thrust open. Of course, with something so flashy, he turned to look. It’s a kid. Dark, plum hair, wearing all white and a weird scarf. One of the first things his boss told him was that kids are not allowed _anywhere_ on premise. If they were, Saihara legally had to remove them, using whatever means.

So, naturally, he got up and walk over to him.

“Excuse me?”

He looked over at Saihara, slightly insulted. Once he saw who he was, he relaxed.

“Are you the staff?”

“Yes. May I ask f—”

“Can you show me a catalogue of your products?”

He hesitated. “Um…I’m sorry we don’t allow children on the—”

“I just need to see a booklet, I’m not asking for much.”

“No. Sir, I need to see your ID.”

He looked startled and he flung back a couple feet.

“Crap. I haven’t even stolen anything yet.”

“Um…Sir. What? I’m going to ask you to leave,” Saihara said, beginning to push him out of the door.

“Wait! Wait!” He yells, trying to push him off, but Saihara is the prevailing force.

 

The next day, Saihara got to the next chapter of his book, almost done with it, when he heard ruffling in the clothing section. It was the kid again.

“How did you get in here?”

“I picked the back door.”

Saihar lifted him again.

“Wait!” He squirmed around and pulled his ID out of his wallet and handed it to him. _Ouma Kokichi_.

…18 years old.

_Fuck._

A sneer glided its way across his face.

“What’s wrong, Saihara-chan?”

He looked him straight in the eye. Saihara- _chan_?

“Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

He seemed surprised.

“Leave? But I just got here?”

“Thank you for your time,” Saihara said, pushing him out yet again.


	4. Shinguuji Korekiyo

Like always, Saihara was reading a book when yet another customer made his way into the store. He was clad in a dark green, his body wrapped thickly, including a mask over his face. He had long hair as well as a long body. Saihara decided that he was going to be another  _ fun _ customer.

He wandered around the store, peering at various items, clothing, and videos. Every now and then, Saihara would look up from his book to see the man writing something down onto a clipboard. Despite the mask, Saihara could tell that the man was enjoying this greatly. Whatever he was doing, it was concerning Saihara. For someone to put so much  _ glee _ into looking at porn. There was something wrong here.

Saihara got up out of his seat and made his way over to the man, tapping him on he shoulder. He turned around and Saihara swore he smiled under that mask.

“Have you found everything you’re looking for?”

He looked down at his clipboard, then tapped the tip of the pen against the part of his mask where the lips should be.

“Ah, yes. However, I was looking for some  _ other _ products. Perhaps some of a different culture?”

_ Different culture? _

“Um...You’re going to have to be a little more specific than that.”

“I’m an anthropologist. I study human behavior. Sexual intercourse is no exception.”  _ Well that sure explains a lot.  _ “I was looking for something of a different culture than of the videos described here.”

“Well, there’s a couple videos in other languages,” Saihara began when it hit him. “But there’s also the hentai section in the back.”

The anthropologist seemed perplexed.

“Hentai?”

“Uh, yeah. Animated porn.”

He stared at Saihara for a second to adjust his hat.

“I was not...aware of this kind of medium.”

“Well, they’re back there,” Saihara said, pointing to the back of the store. “Have at it.”

 

When the man finished up, he walked up to the counter to purchase the items he had chosen. It was a rope and three videos. Saihara expected more.

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

He put his arms outstretched, as if reaching for the sky.

“Ah, yes. Humans are truly beautiful in all ways. Putting so much effort into the animation of human reproduction. What an amazing thing.”

Saihara’s only response was to laugh awkwardly. As he scanned the video, he noticed something odd. They were all incest hentai.

“Are these for your studies as well?”

A red line made its way across the anthropologist’s eyeline.

“No. Those are for myself.”

Saihara almost stopped working when the beep of the scanner clicked him back on.

“Ah...I see. Well then, have a good time then.”

The man bowed.

“I will.”


	5. Momota Kaito

Normally Saihara would read a book while waiting for a customer, but today he was too tired for all that. He had eight straight hours of homework last night. Being a Criminal Justice major was not the easiest job in the world.  
A man walked through the door violently, waking up Saihara up from his nap. Saihara’s hair was all tangled up, messier than a wet dog. The man had hair that seemed just like Saihara’s in the spiky way, but he actually seemed to want it that way. He looked around, slightly cluelessly. He laid eyes on a vibrator and took a step back with immense fear.  
_Am I dreaming?_ , thought Saihara.  
The man walked up to the counter.  
“So is this an...Adult store?”  
_What?_  
“Well, um...Yeah.”  
Saihara was concerned that this man couldn’t tell from the blacked out windows and the sign out front that read, “Adult Only: No Minors Under the Age of 18.” He looked around again, very concerned.  
“So people like...Buy stuff here?”  
“We wouldn’t exactly be in business if they didn’t.”  
He put a hand to his chin. “I see.” He looked back up at Saihara. “You don’t let minors in here, do you?”  
Saihara was convinced that he was still asleep.  
“Of course not. That would be stupid.”  
He scratched his head. “Well a f—Acquaintance of mine randomly sent me a text with this place’s address. He said to say hello to a S—” His eyes widened and he stopped speaking.  
Saihara looked him right in the face, slightly more awake than he used to be.  
“Hello to who?”  
The man pointed to Saihara, but then backed off. He turned around.  
“N-Nevermind.”  
He began to walk off, leaving Saihara very confused. Saihara figured that he’d leave the shop entirely, but he actually stayed to look around. During this whole process, Saihara began to drift back into the luxury of sleep. When the man was done looking around, he walked back to the counter. He set the things he was going to buy on to the table and leaned his elbows against it. He muttered something and Saihara didn’t pick up on it.  
“What?” Saihara said, slurring his ‘wh’.  
Was Saihara still dreaming? Saihara was still dreaming.  
The spiky-haired customer flicked Saihara in the head. “You alright?”  
A spark was sent through the entirety of Saihara’s body, sending a quick jolt of adrenaline right to his head. He took a massive inhale and launched backwards in his chair. The man also took a step back, creating a terrified expression. Saihara stood up.  
“Are you okay?”  
Saihara rubbed some sweat off of his forehead.  
“Yeah. I’m fine.” He smiled. “Can I help you?”  
“Uh...Yeah. I’d like to buy these.”  
Saihara looked at the things for a second. Included was a dildo. For girls.  
“...This is a product for females...Unless of course—”  
“It’s for a friend. Trust me.”  
“The same friend?”  
“Nah. Different one. I just know she’ll never come to somewhere like this, but she’ll definitely use something like this. I just thought because I was here...I might as well do something nice.”  
“Your friend must trust you a lot for you to buy her something like that.”  
The customer pouted. “Nah. She hates me. She hates everyone.” He let a giant smile and gave a thumbs up. “I just keep her on her toes.”  
Saihara laughed at that comment. “Well that’s good to know. Is this all you’ll be buying?”  
“Uh...Yeah.” He took his purchases and began to exit the store when he paused halfway out the door. He waved. “See you later, Saihara-chan.”  
Saihara waved back, letting the door close.  
_Wait a second._  
_Saihara **-chan**?_  
_Oh god. I think I know who that friend was._  
Saihara swore he was still dreaming.


	6. Kiibo

  
Saihara’s book was lying face up, the pages perfectly smooth, when those two blacked out glass doors creaked ever open. Saihara slipped his Sherlock Holmes bookmark into its place so he could greet his new customer.  
This time, it was a man with stunningly pointy white hair. He was wearing a thick jacket and headphones. He looked concerned. Saihara approached him.  
“Hi, can I help you with anything?”  
He smiled timidly and replied, “Uh, not at the moment. Thanks.”  
Saihara nodded and began to walk back to his spot behind the counter when the boy stopped him.  
“Actually…What is this machine supposed to do?” He pointed to a glass display case. Saihara crossed his arms.  
“That’s a vibrator. It vibrates.”  
“For what reason?”  
Saihara paused. _Do I really have to explain this?_  
“Usually girls use it to um…stimulate…their…um…lower regions.”  
The man pointed upwards, rather triumphantly.  
“Ah! So it’s for mastubratory purposes.”  
 _Well no shit Sherlock._  
The man’s finger dropped as the reality seemingly hit him.  
“So this place…” He screamed, then backed up a couple meters. His confused glare shot over at Saihara and he began muttering something.  
“Uh, yeah. In case you couldn’t tell from the sign and…other obvious things, this is an Adult Store.”  
“No, I-I just d-didn’t think that people actually bought these things.” He took a deep breath. “You see, it’s all so weird to me.”  
“…Weird to you?”  
He man looked exceedingly embarrassed as he unbuttoned his jacket. There were rows of metal.  
“I’m a robot so I don’t have to—Hey! Quit laughing!”  
Saihara was giggling intensely.  
“I’m sorry,” he said, wiping a tear away. “I just have never seen someone with such an elaborate cosplay come in here.”  
The robot furrowed his supposedly synthetic brow. “Cosplay?”  
“Yeah. You’re not the first. I get people in here all the time with odd roleplays.”  
“Roleplays?” He finally understood. His face turned red. “I’m a real robot! I swear!”  
 _Wait. Really? No. That can’t be possible._  
“Look!” Suddenly, lights flashed out of his eyes, blinding Saihara for a short moment. Saihara tumbled to the ground.  
 _I take that back. It’s possible._  
Saihara lifted himself back up, dusting himself off. The robot put his hands on his own hips and smiled in victory.  
“See! I told you so!”  
Saihara sighed. “So then why are you here then?”  
He put a finger to his lips. “Oh, someone texted me this address and told me to…’Have a good time’…”  
They both stared at each other for a solid minute.  
“Can you please choke him for me?”  
“Eh? You know Ouma, too?”  
Saihara put a hand to his forehead and groaned. “Who doesn’t?” He relaxed, then got back to his job. “Are you going to buy something or not?”  
“Well…” He began tapping his fingers together.  
 _Wait a second. If he’s still here then…_  
“Do you even have anything…down there?”  
The robot’s face must have flung itself into the nearest fire because it instantly burnt red to a crisp.  
“Well…Um…That’s…Um…”  
He devolved into a stuttering mess, opening the door to leave instead of giving a clear-cut answer.  
 _Damn it. I wanted to know._


	7. Harukawa Maki

Saihara was just about to fall asleep when a woman walked into the store. He was less tired than he usually was when he decided to sleep on the job, so he sat up immediately when she entered. The woman looked young, but that was probably only due to her two giant pigtails. When Saihara put his attention on her, he noticed something. A dark line washed itself across her face, her eyes piercing into the void.  
She was pissed.  
She was _really_ pissed.  
She took careful steps to the counter. Dark red eyes glared Saihara in the face.  
“Um...Can I help you?”  
She slammed a hand against the hard surface.  
“Yes. What weapons do you sell here?”  
“...Weapons?”  
“Yes.”  
 _Was she a dominatrix or something?_  
“Well, um, we have whips and other forms of S&M play, if that’s what you’re looking for.” Her glare remained ever the same. Saihara gave a weak laugh and tried to continue. “You’re going to have to give me a level of pain that you want.”  
“I want the most painful thing in the entire store.”  
“...You’re going to have to be a little more specific than that.”  
She calmed a bit, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.  
“A whip will do.”  
“How much experience do you have?”  
The dark glare returned.  
“Plenty.”  
Saihara usually pestered people more—You can’t just give whips to anyone—but this girl was definitely telling the truth. He went into the back and returned with a Bull Whip. He really hoped she had proper training.  
He rang it up and she gave him a card to pay for it. Saihara felt exceedingly awkward, so he tried to say something to break the ice.  
“So how did you find our store?”  
“Friend.”  
 _Well that was anticlimactic._  
“Is this perhaps for that friend?”  
For some reason, that caught her off guard. Her face stuttered with a flush and her voice muttered in a red tone.  
“Well…Um…Uh…” She put both hands on her chest in an embarrassed manner. She closed her eyes for a second. “Y-Yes.” She began to pout. “It’s just…payback.”  
 _Payback?_  
She grabbed her purchase and stormed out of the store.  
 _We get some really odd customers, don’t we?_


	8. Iruma Miu

Saihara was usually the only person in the store at any given time. Granted, he was reading for most of that time, but wasn’t very large, and there weren’t very many customers, so it was easy enough for one person to manage.  
Well, that was the main part of the store. Saihara had one other coworker. Her name was Iruma Miu. She was a self-proclaimed inventor specializing in sex toys, which was fitting, considering her occupation. She managed the storeroom and the boss occasionally put her inventions up for sale.  
She rarely came out into the main store, but when she did…Let’s just say there was a reason they hired Saihara.

One day, a regular customer made his way into the store. It was the guy who bought the dildo for his friend. Momota Kaito. He walked in and began talking to Saihara. Saihara figured he came not to buy stuff, but just because he was bored. He became rather friendly after that whole incident.  
He and Saihara were chatting when Iruma burst through the ‘Employees Only’ door with a welding mask on. She held a metal ball into the air, triumphantly. She pulled back the mask and did a hair flip.  
“I’ve completed it!”  
Saihara was skeptical. “…What?”  
“It’s the inner-vaginal ball!”  
“ _…What?_ ”  
“You wouldn't know! You’re just a Sherlock fuck boy who reads And Then There Were None over and over again.”  
“That’s not Sherlock Holmes. That’s Agatha Christie.”  
“Agatha Christie? More like Agatha Bitchy.”  
 _Let’s just say that she had her way with words. Especially ‘French’. She was good at ‘French’._  
As Saihara groaned, Momota became more curious. He pointed to it.  
“So you make the stuff that they sell here?”  
“Well duh,” she spat.  
“No she doesn’t. There’s only a couple things made by her in here,” Saihara responded, facepalming.  
Momota put a hand to his forehead in effort to scout for said things.  
“Which ones?”  
Saihara shrugged, “You think I know?”  
Iruma happily filled him in on her awesomely amazing dildo with extra vibrating features, as well as her new version of the female condom which, ‘Looks and tastes like bubblegum’. Momota scratched his head, then crossed his arms.  
“So you don’t have anything for guys?”  
Iruma’s entire body froze like she had forgotten that her class’ final was today. She clocked her head towards Momota’s then abruptly slammed her hands on his shoulders. She began yelling and whimpering in a banshee-like manner. “You’re totally right! I have absolutely nothing! It’s just that—I’m a girl so…”  
She curled up in a ball and started bawling on the floor, muttering about how alien penises were, which was odd considering she had designed dildos. Saihara kneeled to pat her head in an effort to cheer her up.  
“It’s not that bad. I’m sure you can come up with something.”  
Tears and snot caked all over her face when she turned to Saihara. She sniffled.  
“I…I can?”  
“Yeah. Guys use things like Onaholes and stuff like that. Make something only a guy could use.”  
Iruma immediately shot up off the ground and held her index finger aloft.  
“I got an idea!”  
Saihara was taken aback.  
“ _Already?_ ”  
She put her hand on her hips, triumphantly.  
“Yeah. It’s an Onahole, but the insides move around you like a convection oven.”  
 _A dickhole convection oven._  
“Also it’ll have spikes.”  
 _A dickhole convection oven. With spikes._  
“In it.”  
 _A dickhole convection oven with spikes in it._  
Stellar idea here.  
Momota raised his hand.  
“I’ll test it out for you.”  
Iruma smiled. Saihara nearly spit out the entirity of his saliva.  
“Of course!”

Momota came back when she was done and gave it outstanding reviews.

_Honestly, what did I expect?_


End file.
